Both / And
July, 2023
It’s been a momentous few weeks. I announced my decision to step down from my position with the Boston Symphony, effective next August. (If you missed that you can read about it here.) And, on a personal note, I became an auntie again!
Lots of big feelings.
Lots of reflecting on what’s already been and what is yet to come.
Lots of working to be open to the richness of all of these experiences, in all their dimensions.
Lots of both/and.
Both/and is an important concept for me — in my own life and in my work with clients. Both/and is when we ask ourselves to hold multiple competing ideas at once, allowing them all to be valid, not trying to reconcile them — just holding them.
Here’s what that looks like for me right now:
To BOTH be fully at peace about this decision AND to be okay with the unexpected tears when I open a well-worn book of melodies and see the handwriting of my 9-year-old self reminding me to play with a beautifully shaped phrase.
To BOTH be excited, inspired, and energized by this path forward AND to be okay with the moments when the unknowns feel scary. (Scary doesn’t mean wrong!)
To BOTH honor and feel pride and gratitude for the artistic career that I built AND to acknowledge everything that was hard — even damaging — about that same career.
None of these experiences or feelings cancels out the other. And when I can make room for the both/and of it all I feel empowered, expansive, and authentic. I don’t need to tie this up with a neat and tidy bow. It's messy.
Messy is honest. (It's also beautiful!)
This coming year will be full of both/ands. I am committed to completing my artistic career with excellence. And to stepping into my future with courage and commitment.
Will it be challenging? Most definitely.
Will there be paradox? Guaranteed.
Do I have to do this alone? Absolutely not.
Am I up for it? I know I am, especially if I make room for both/and.