A better way to face our fear.

Do your anxiety dreams look like mine? (Forgot my instrument, can’t find the stage door, suddenly realize I’m not wearing pants.)

It’s been nearly a year since I last walked out on stage, and Wednesday’s missing-pants dream was the first I’ve had since beginning my sabbatical — it was a reminder that my time to return to the stage is nearing. 

And all of a sudden, my anxiety level spiked right up.

When something big is coming, whether it’s getting back on stage, the launch of a new business, or a significant feedback review from our boss, it can feel like a giant wave of unknowns is about to crash over us.   Generic cheerleading (“You're going to be amazing!”) usually doesn’t help much. Because the truth is, we can never have absolute certainty about the future.

Here’s a more effective way to face down those fears: Get more accurate about what you do and don't know.

Slow down and walk yourself through that scary experience, hour by hour, day by day. Recently I helped a client do this exact process around a potential business partnership breakup. When I asked him how he might handle it, his response was a panicked:  “I have absolutely no idea.” 

I gently challenged him on this and asked him to slow down. Together we looked directly at the worst case scenario, hour by hour, day by day, looking at what he knew: 

→ Yes, he might bury himself under the covers for an afternoon. And he also knew he would get out of bed by the end of the day.

→ Yes, he’d need to calm some jittery investors. And he also knew the initial steps he'd take to help them feel secure. 

→ Yes, he would lack key expertise his partner provided. And also he knew who he'd call to find help in that area. 

And on and on.

My client knew a lot about this scary thing that might be happening. Not everything, but a lot. And once he could see that, the fear lessened, his nervous system calmed, and he could see his way forward.  This is what I did for myself, too.

ACTION:  If you have something scary coming up in your future, slow yourself down and write down a long list of everything you don’t know. And then take a second look — when you really think about it, what are the tiny pieces that you do you know? Keep going. You probably know a lot more than you think.