BAD puppy!
I’m about to get a puppy and I can’t wait for the love + chaos + joy coming my way.
I want to help this puppy develop into a happy, confident, and respectful member of society, so this is a great time to revisit the basics of puppy training.
I’ve done this before, and here’s what I know: The biggest factor by far in puppy training is not the puppy — it’s the owner. We can get so focused on cuteness and snuggles that we forget that our job is to maintain a clear, consistent leadership role — 100% of the time. When we fall down on that job we create role reversal, and before we know it, that cute ball of fur starts running the house, puppy-style. Not fun!
Good leadership isn't passive or easy. It’s our responsibility to give the puppy what she actually needs — not necessarily what she wants, or what makes us feel good. It doesn’t serve the puppy if we collapse and give in to the path of least resistance. Nor does it help when we get frustrated and yell at our “bad puppy,” not recognizing how our actions contributed to that chewed-up slipper. (Puppies aren’t trying to be bad — their behavior is totally logical, given the context.)
Does this sound like anything else to you?
Turns out that leading people and leading pups looks an awful lot the same.
If I get mad at my puppy because she doesn’t sit when I tell her to, I’m missing a huge opportunity to look at my own behavior. Have I helped her to understand what I mean by “sit,” or do I just repeat it a bunch and expect her to read my mind? Or do I sometimes say “sit” when I don’t really care if she does it, but other times I'm annoyed when she doesn’t comply immediately?
(Re-read that paragraph and exchange “sit” with “complete the project.”)
If I give in every time Mr Cuteness whines or barks, I might be telling myself that it’s because I love him so much. More accurate could be that I’m not willing to tolerate my own discomfort — I’m putting my comfort ahead of what’s best for him. I might be doing the puppy version of people-pleasing, giving him what he wants — not because it’s what serves him, but because it’s easier for me.
Leadership requires courage, stamina, and strength — with puppies and with people. My very first puppy Emma tested every bit of leadership strength I had. She was stubborn, wily, demanding, and totally, absolutely, outrageously fun. Every ounce of effort I put into training myself during those puppy months paid off.
Who knows what this new puppy will be like? One thing I know for sure, though, is that training him/me will definitely grow my leadership skills. Wish me luck!
PS — HERE'S YOUR INVITATION TO REFLECT: Consider the spaces where you are asked to lead. What's an opportunity to strengthen those skills? You might look for expectations that could be made clearer or more consistent, or for times when you prioritize your own comfort rather than truly serving your team.