Everything, Everywhere, All at Once
Last week was a lot for me. And maybe for you, too?
Last week a person very dear to me experienced a major death in the family. I joined so many others struggling to comprehend and process the magnitude of events in Israel and Gaza. I recorded the Shostakovich cello concertos with Yo-Yo Ma and the BSO — music which speaks profoundly to the loss of innocent life. I was deep into the chaos and joy of a new puppy (snuggles + accidents + 4am barking + cuteness + sharp puppy teeth.) And I supported my clients.
They had a lot going on last week, too:
🩵 One experienced a life-changing career accomplishment — right alongside the breakup of her relationship.
🩵 Another took a brave (and difficult) step towards starting a family, while also navigating her demanding professional life.
🩵 Another experienced a devastatingly unexpected change in his employment status (and is using this shock as an invitation to slow down and evaluate whether he wants to get back on that same treadmill again.)
🩵 And another cried in our session, coming off of a week of major leadership wins and also trying to decide if it was safe to send his kids to school that morning.
It’s a lot.
And when things start to feel like they’re a lot, I turn to the most effective tool I know: Self-Compassion.
Thanks to the work of Dr. Kristin Neff, we now have a simple self-compassion practice that can support us during difficult times:
Mindful awareness of our feelings. “I’m experiencing grief.” “I’m experiencing anger.” “This is suffering.” Or simply, “ouch.”
Common humanity. “It’s okay that I’m struggling right now. I’m not alone. This is part of being human.”
Kindness. Placing your hand over your heart, or giving yourself a hug, breathe in and ask “what do I need right now?” Or “what do I need to hear right now?” Or perhaps offer yourself a wish: “may I honor my boundaries right now.”
When I asked myself what I needed last week, I had a few answers:
🩵 I needed more time alone — and so when I was at Symphony Hall I found backstage corners where I could spend moments away from colleagues, either alone with my thoughts or escaping into the pages of a good book.
🩵 I needed more gentleness — and so I adjusted some (self-imposed) deadlines so that I could be easier with myself.
🩵 I needed to connect with a sense of love and hope in the face of tragedy and loss — and so I poured loving energy into my conversations with my clients, knowing that this would be healing for all of us.
Self-compassion doesn't take away the pain or the heartache. It asks us to face it, accept it, and — eventually — it helps us to move through it.
If you find yourself in your own personal version of Everything, Everywhere, All at Once, here are a few self-compassion resources to get you started: