Excellence, or Perfectionism?
Hello there, fellow high achiever!
Question: are you striving for excellence, or are you driven by perfectionism?
And do you know the difference?
For many years I didn't. And even if I did, just like many high-achievers, I didn't see a problem with perfectionism. I believed that excellence meant being seen as "perfect" — no matter the cost.
(And let’s be honest: this belief can motivate us to achieve great things — for a while.)
But research shows that perfectionism is ultimately unsustainable. It's a fear-based, self-protective behavior driven by a desire to control how others perceive us.
And that's a losing battle.
Why?
When we inevitably fail (after all, we're human!), the perfectionist's response is to tighten up, to try to control yet more things, to try to become yet more perfect.
And a vicious cycle begins.
This is how high achievers can become cautious, controlling, rigid and ultimately burned out — qualities that stifle creativity, bold thinking and excellence.
I learned this the hard way, thanks to my years onstage as a performer.
The only way I was able to sustain a world-class level of performance over decades was to quit ceding my sense of self worth to others.
I created it myself, and I did this not by trying to control how other people saw me, but by striving for excellence on my own terms.
I have learned to define my own high standards. Failures are still painful (sometimes powerfully so), but they are part of the learning process. Rather than a crushing blow to my self worth, my failures, mistakes, and slip-ups become an opportunity to move closer towards excellence the next time.
What about you? Does perfectionism creep into your desire for excellence?
Remember, this isn't about setting high standards for ourselves. Just don’t let those high standards mutate into perfectionism.
If you're not sure where you stand, ask yourself this:
When I miss a goal or experience a setback, is my response to get curious, or is it to intensify my desire to control?