I didn’t feel good about this. At all.
I recently gave a keynote address to a room full of orthodontists.
I was really excited about this project — one of the things that gets me going is creating moments of unexpected connection across industries. (Who knew that many orthodontists are “onlys,” too?) And I had worked hard on this keynote.
If you asked me today how it went, I’d reply “great!”
But if you ran into me 5 minutes after I walked out of that hotel ballroom, let me tell you: I was not feeling good about it. At all.
A few things had gone wrong — some technical glitches, a few comical prop mishaps, and I got sidetracked and (to be honest) a bit flustered a few times.
So 5 minutes after the whole thing was over, all of this added up to me feeling pretty darn terrible. (Good old perfectionism sounding its familiar tune here!)
Driving home from the event I noticed some powerful feelings: embarrassment, self-doubt … and underneath it all I could hear this terrified voice, deeply afraid of not living up to expectations: What if they thought I was an amateur? What if I let them down? What if I wasted their time?
That voice was strong — and judgmental! And — as my own coach helpfully reminded me later that day — that voice, and those feelings, they aren’t facts. They don’t tell me anything other than what I am experiencing inside.
So, what did I do with those feelings? I noticed them, and I let myself feel them. But then, with some help, I reached for my tools: creating meaning, finding perspective, and embracing growth.
I reached out to the group of early professionals whom I mentor, and I shared a bit of my experience with them. This kind of vulnerability is one way I serve the next generation: knocking down that veneer of “perfection” and revealing that even those of us who are highly successful are also human. We struggle, too! ✔ Meaning
I thought about what I knew and didn’t know about how my speech was received. What was I making up in my own head? What was a fear-based narrative rather than a grounded perspective? I got help from my coach, who asked me to notice my thought errors and helped me find a more accurate lens through which to look at the experience. ✔ Perspective
I also started a google doc so I could write down all my learnings from this experience and integrate them into the next one. (It’s a looong doc!) And I reached out to the presenter to ask for specific feedback, both positive and constructive. ✔ Growth
Sidebar: although I’m still waiting for more comprehensive feedback, her initial reply was “you were FANTASTIC!!!!!” (There really were 5 exclamation marks — I counted.)
This whole process took some time. Getting to my current perspective wasn’t a straight line. I asked for help. I utilized both my support team and my skill set.
The result is that today, looking back, I am proud of my somewhat-messy but overall really great presentation. More importantly, I was able to create meaning out of it and to grow.
But the best part — what I still have to remind myself of — is that I was able to connect with a bunch of really wonderful orthodontists, who saw me being real. And maybe that, in and of itself, was what made a difference to someone in that room.
For me, that’s a huge success.
What about you? How do you ultimately measure success? Who and what do you lean on to help you make the most of an experience like this?